The Rules Of Writing

[FA_DrShock]

So...most of you know I am an English buff. Every time I read posts by certain members, I flinch. As such, I am reliev...erm...happy to present to you the rules of writing! Enjoy!  


1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. So punny.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally...
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

PS: This is some seriously nerdy humor so if you're just looking at this blankly, don't worry about it.

[FA_M1ST4K3]

omg jade, we's not a edjumacated types lik3 u big citi slick3rs. i's just typ3s what th3 bestest i cans do lmao

[FA_Gamble]

I dunno if number 1 was a practical joke, but shouldn't it be "have to"?

[FA_ThePetRock]

its prolly a technical thingymajiggy. it sounds betterer if its have to though.

[FA_DrShock]

Lol @ Mistake.

Gamble, Petrock, I shake my head at you.

[FA_Gooffy013]

Its a no wonder that I ever made it thru them there haigh school courses thingees called english.
Brain fog / fart I say

Lol there Cheese Man

[FA_Tanzan]

Oh goodness, FINALLY.

[FA_Deserter]

WTH is a colloquialism?

I understand the humor in most of them but I am no English major.

[FA_Aztec65]

me no comprehend the leessons within your grammer learnings

[FA_Ferris]

colloquialism is like local slang, if i remember my grade 12 enlgish right.

[FA_DrShock]

Very good, Ferris. A. I'd give you an A+ except you missed the part where it can be in imitation of formal speech, but it used in casual conversation.

[FA_Starscreem]

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling

^^ i know funny coming from me :p

[FA_DrShock]

Hehehe. Nice star. That makes me laugh. Good stuff from you, too!

[Kushiel]

"It's "Make like a tree and LEAVE" you sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong!"

[FA_MightyMoe]

Jade you has to much time on you're hands!